Mom and I had a date yesterday. She is turning 80 on September 20th, and has to show up in person to renew her license. The nearest DPS office is in Marble Falls, an hour away. (For those who aren't familiar with the isolation of the ranch and small town Blanco, the nearest WalMart is a minimum 45 minute drive in any direction. I like to say I live an hour from the nearest WalMart, but those extra 15 minutes include getting in my car, getting out of my car, opening the gates, getting in the car, getting out of the car, closing the gate, getting in the car and driving to the road.)
So the plan was to drive to Marble Falls, have lunch, go to DPS and then go to Bee Caves to shop at PetSmart and HEB Grocery, then loop around home. It was a good plan.
Alas. My demons are not in favor of good plans going smoothly. DPS in Marble Falls closes from 12-1 for lunch and 1-3 for driving tests because there is only one guy who works there. So we got there after lunch. They were closed. Change of plans. We drove to Bee Caves (half hour--after giving up on waiting for the signal to change for 15 minutes, turning right and going around a block instead) to shop at PetSmart. I had a list on my i-Phone that I didn't check. Got the kitten food, Iams Hairball for the kennel kitties & dental doggie treats for Moon. Forgot the carrier.
We decided to skip HEB so chicken would not be sitting in the car and drove back to DPS. After Mom got her license business taken care of (a comedy for another life), we went to WalMart. It was while Mom was looking for her list that I realized that I hadn't checked my list and didn't get the carrier and she realized she didn't have her wallet anymore. (Luckily, it was sitting on the seat of the van.)
Kitten 3PO and I have a flight to Seattle on Tuesday. Incorporating the smallest dimensions of both flights into the configuration of the carrier left me with 10 x 13 x 7.5 inch dimensions. None of the carriers at WalMart fit those dimensions. The 7.5 inch height was the tricky one. There was an 8" carrier, but I practiced collapsing it a bit in simulation of tucking it under the seat, and I didn't like the squished kitty results.
We checked out at the self-check because, after all, I am a professional. Ha. That self-check register was informed of the general purpose of the universe (my universe, anyway) to instruct me in humility. 'Cuz I need so much more. The first error message said: "Unexpected item in the bagging area."
I said, "Yeah, it's a
bag!"
The attendant assured Mom that she talked to the machines all the time, too, in the same tone of voice.
I cannot even remember how many error messages popped up, but I am sure it was all they had to offer, and the lady with the magic card hovered over my shoulder. At no time did I admit that I now check groceries for a living--well, not so much a living, but again: a story for another day.
We finally got Mom all checked out, and we immediately passed the sunglass stand. I have been looking for sunglasses since I lost my faves (the ones bought on the Florida On Safari roadtrip with my BFF) and the kitties broke my back up pair. I was tired of putting the lens back in. When I found a pair of unobnoxious-not-too-fufu sunglasses, I went back to pay for them. Big mistake. The left hand corner of the screen was not accepting messages at the time. You know, like the "No cash back" button. I finally had to accept cash back. Would $20 do? Nope. Same area as "No cash back." I had to get $40 cash back. Okay, I thought, this will be my in-flight money.
I drove Mom home, brought her groceries in, and left my non-perishables in the van for when I returned from my trip to PetSmart to get a carrier. Moon and I walked home, I got my car and drove back to Mom's with profuse apologies to my beloved Moon dog as I dropped her off and headed to San Antonio. Mom fretted about why we didn't just go back to Bee Caves together for the company. I said, "At least I get to listen to my book now."
"Well," she said, "why didn't you listen to it before?"
"Because I wasn't in my car."
"There is that."
It takes a Blanconian to understand the scope of driving to Marble Falls then Bee Caves then back to Marble Falls then to Blanco then to San Antonio and back. To put it in perspective for the rest of you: a credit card would be denied as infeasible at some point early on in the trip. (Been there, done that, on a shorter Hill Country trip.)
I made it to PetSmart. The carriers behind the cat section were all hard-sided, appropriate for shipping but not for carry-on. I thought that was it, and was checking for the nearest PetCo, when I saw "Travel" in the dog section. Of course. One would only travel with a dog, not a cat. After a thorough search through the designer carriers, I found again that the closest height was an inch off. I stood there waiting for the magic carrier to appear. It didn't.
An associate finally approached and asked if she could help.
I said, "I need to fit a carrier under a seven and a half inch airline seat," (by this time she was nodding sagely) "and the shortest you have is eight and a half inches."
She continued nodding, quirking one lip upward in con-solidarity, consolation, con-something and said, "Yeah. That's an airline thing. You have to buy it from them or order one on-line."
"On-line. With overnight shipping. A hundred dollar carrier."
I sighed, thanked her and wandered over to the small mammal section of the store because I have had success before finding kitten harnesses and such which were designed for ferrets. Bingo! There were two ferret carriers. A large one which was 8.5" high and a small one which was 6.5" high. I thought about that small one for a while, visualizing the kitten and how much space he would have. Okay. I wanted the medium. Checking the shelf tags, I found that they carried no such carrier.
I left.
In the despondent drive to the highway, I decided that I might as well check the other stores in town since I was there. I started with the WalMart at 1604. The trick in shopping Pets in WalMart is finding the dang Pet Section. They are never in the same place. But I found it after circumnavigating the store (and you thought all WalMart shoppers had one syllable vocabularies--honestly, my feeling about shopping at WalMart are, well, you know, a story for another day).
While I was there looking at all the 8 inch and higher carriers, I found a 9 1/5 inch carrier much like the red "dress carrier" I now use (matches my car and all). One was open, out of the box, so I pushed on it, and it flexed. Wire! Bend it! And for $40 less than at PetSmart. My forty bucks would cover this one.
Except, when I got to the check stand to pay, there was no $40 in my pocket. Luckily, I still had Mom's credit card in my pocket that I had gotten to pay for gas, so I could buy the carrier.
On the drive home, I started thinking, what if it's fiberglass and not wire? Oh well, at least it was cheaper. Both were made in China. Can't fool me. If I destroy this one, I can use duct tape. I have some nice Bengal print Duck Tape. Or maybe, just maybe, I have time to look for another one.
The good news is that it was wire. I was able to put an angle in the sides and bring the top down so it will fit under the seat. And it's a pretty blue, one of my favorite colors. It will work.
I won't lie and say that there weren't times when I cried to God asking if just one thing, one little thing could be simple. I get this endless string of mishaps. Always. Always. My mom says I have a little black cloud that follows me around making things go wrong. I call them my little demons. Little because they drive me bonkers but don't push me to suicide. Nah. Takes the big demons for that. The ones that tell me I'm a worthless piece of crap. I was married to one of them. Ha.
But you know what?
Penny and the Booman are looking at me from in front of the computer screen saying, "What Mom?"
No matter what the demons throw at me, no matter how much crap gets in the way, I will always find the humor in it and make you laugh. Well, at least I'm laughing.
And laughter, I think, will save us. (Compassion and fairness, too of course, and a whole shitload of other things, but laughter helps.)